Welcome to Episode #71 of the Red Ink Revival Leadership Podcast. Today’s conversation with Rick and Christine Presley continues last week’s episode on all things “betrayal”, with a primary focus on the betrayal of a sexually unfaithful spouse. This is a must listen for pastors and church leaders to effectively position betrayed congregants for healthy recovery from sexual betrayal.
Rick and Christine are therapists and experts in the field of addiction and partner betrayal. They are licensed marriage and family therapists, and experienced treatment providers in grief, loss, and trauma recovery. Their certifications as certified sexual addiction professionals, EMDR providers, and partner betrayal clinicians make them extraordinary voices to help people navigate this turbulent topic.
Our conversation includes:
How spouses only have power over their own life, not their partner's choices and behaviors.
How anger is a sign of a boundary that needs to be placed.
How a partner must go through a grieving process, acknowledging that they cannot control the betraying partner.
How envy and strife are about attempts to control another person’s choices, opening the door to confusion and every evil work.
What differentiation is and how it is a necessary precursor to establishing healthy boundaries.
The priorities of attunement and differentiation for every healthy human being.
How a betrayed partner instinctively becomes more differentiated in the process of therapeutic healing.
Thoughts for a betrayed partner who wants to live in boundaries when they don’t like the options that the consequences offer.
Learning to ask, “What do I need?” and “What do I want?”
How boundaries are for “me” and requests are for “we.”
How betrayed partners can deal with the fears that a boundary will compel worst case scenarios with the betrayer.
The terrible scenarios of obligatory sex in fear they will lose the betrayer.
Empowerment circuits versus victim circuits of a betrayed partner’s brain.
How to process the inner narratives, self-blame, and “no closure” emotions when a betrayer doesn’t want repair.
How healthy therapeutic recovery from addiction can prepare a couple for a greater marriage than before the betrayal.
How without truth, safety cannot be provided, and therefore trust can’t be rebuilt.
How the myth of “Divorce is not an option” means you are living as a victim.
How empowerment can only happen when partners choose to restore and resurrect the marriage.
How resentment grows in the ground of feeling, “I have no other options but to stay.”
How the betraying partner must give a full disclosure, or they eliminate the possibility for true intimacy with their spouse.
How the secrecy of infidelity and porn are not to be minimized in the impact on the partner.
If you have any questions you would like addressed in future episodes, topics you would enjoy hearing, or just have feedback, we would love to hear from you. Email us at email@example.com.
Visit our website: redinkrevival.com
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Edited and produced by Evan (Emac) McAlister